In so many ways, depression is a topic that is hard to verbalize. Distance from the conversation is more manageable than facing it head-on. Awareness is a great way to start a conversation about depression, but….
How do we make it personal?
How do we talk about OUR depression? Opening a topic and being aware of an issue helps with awareness. Still, we start a conversation when we dig deeper into our depression.
I found it extremely difficult to share this podcast episode. However, recording the episode was not difficult, and it was not hard for me to have that conversation in a microphone.
The step of actually publishing the episode was a bit tough.
After publishing it, people would know, listen to this episode, and that is when panic set in. I also had to go a step further from my cozy pink fluffy comfort zone and tell people it was available for their listening pleasure.
That is when shit gets real.
In publishing and announcing, there is an audience with opinions. But then, fear, anxiety, and stress manifest in a swarm of flying monkeys.
Talking about depression is FREAKING HARD.
You can find clinical information on depression. You will find out how to deal with it, what it is, and what medical care is.
This episode does not have that clinical information.
This episode is an outside look into depression as far as I feel about that information. The genuine conversation is with the crap in your mind and how to articulate it, so you can have a mental dump and find the help you need as an individual.
After blabbing into the microphone and then listening back to it, I needed some help on how to construct a blog post.
Enlisting someone I know that has issues with depression, we came up with this conversation. She picked out parts of the recording that struck a cord and responded to it.
In the episode, you say:
"doesn't always need to be a serious topic."
I agree with this; when depression comes up, it always has very heavy and almost taboo feelings surrounding it. But I feel like I should be able to say, "yeah, I couldn't get that done today because I was feeling too heavy with depression," without everyone going into freak out mode.
"doing awkward things to be able to get through it all."
Me too.
"Who told you this is how you're supposed to be."
The media is really at fault. In movies, TV shows, anything really, it's all "you need to be this certain way and follow this life path to be successful in life."
"Biggest strength you have is pulling yourself into someone else's SOS blanket."
[paraphrased]
I feel this is one of the hardest things to do but also one of the most rewarding when you do it.
"depression causing physical pains too."
This is something I think should be talked about more. Depression really can affect your physical body quite a bit too.
Being depressed vs. depression
I would agree with what you're saying. It's almost like being depressed is having more good days, but bad days slip in, and depression is when it's primarily bad days, but sometimes they can be not so bad.
"they don't know how to talk to you; you don't know how to talk to them."
I agree with this a lot. I must remind myself not to get annoyed or irritated because what I say doesn't make sense to that person or because they may have said something. Still, it's because they don't get it. It's hard to explain to someone who has never experienced it. How do you explain the sensation of flying to someone who has never flown? And, of course, they don't know how to talk to me either; my brain is working in ways that sometimes I don't even get.
You talk about people saying "should do this" etc.
I also agree with this; it drives me up the wall after so many "you should." Unless I specifically ask for advice from people, they have no idea what I'm looking for from them and SHOULD NOT tell me what to do.
You say something along the lines, "you are the one that has to fix it; you are the one that has to feel," and "feel guilt and shame because of selfishness."
I agree that no one can fix your situation for you but you. You have to want it, and you have to be the one to say enough of my bad thoughts. No one can jump in your brain and rewire it.
It's hard not to feel bad about being selfish in depression, but I think it's also okay to be to an extent. You can't help other people when you are in bad condition. You have to put your air mask on first before helping others. If all you can accomplish in a day is keeping away the bad, harmful thoughts, then that should be enough.
Above are the reflections of a great young lady that has too much experience with depression and anxiety.
I hope this episode helps you open the conversation about depression, even if that conversation is with yourself about your depression.